Thursday, July 21, 2011
Kent Conrad goes to hell
As a Catholic, let me indulge in a vision of Senator Kent Conad not in purgatory but in hell.
In hell, Kent will be paired by the Devil with Adolf Hitler. Kent will be Hitler's love slave.
Every day will start with Kent sucking the puss filled blisters on Hitler's ass until Hitler wakes up and begins humping Kent while breathing on him with the worst breath anyone can imagine. Sometimes Hitler invites Gehngis Kahn over for a quick morning three-way.
Relieving himself, Hitler than grabs the remote for the shock collar that Kent forever wears. For s**ts and giggles, he tells Kent to go fix breakfast (scrambled feces served in a spicy urine sauce) and, even though Kent does as told, Hitler repeatedly shocks Kent causing Kent to lurch, jump and cry.
All the other residents of hell point and laugh at Kent. And they take his lunch money.
Why does he have lunch money?
Hitler gives it to him after breakfast and insists he take it. Then Hitler kicks him out the front door yelling, "Fresh meat!"
Kent is beaten up by a number of well known War Criminals like Donald Rumsfeld, both George Bushes, Condi Rice and Lynne Cheney. (Dick's never seen leading to rumors that Dick Cheney is actually Satan.) Lynne Cheney likes to crush Kent's face into her crotch after beating him up and, as she mashes and grinds his face into her crotch, explain that she has both crabs and a yeast infection.
And that's just how each day starts for Kent Conrad.
Don't worry, it probably will happen and happen for all eternity. And he will deserve it and more as anyone who heard his efforts to gut Social Security today should know.
Closing with C.I.'s "Iraq snapshot:"