Friday, November 11, 2005

Toys

"Kat, Kat, talk to us, tell us a good story."

Well I've been o.d.ing on concerts lately. And let's face it, you can't close the clubs and still be able to blog. Something's got to give.

So we're all hanging out at my place tonight and Toni, you e-mailers will be thrilled to know this, was ragging on my case about writing here. "You gotta' write more often, Kat." Jeez, who is she? She sounds like 1 of my e-mailers.

I said, "Hey, I blog when I have something to say. I don't have nothing to say right now."

Which led to Summer noting my thing on the great Derry Daring v. Evel Knievel. He always wanted one of those Evel toys.

Which got us to talking about toys and while they're running out for various cheeses (we're making fondu), they said, "Stay and blog."

And they said I could use anything we discussed. Maggie better not get pissed because I asked twice and, let me warn you, you will be grossed out.

Toni's favorite toy was a non-Barbie Barbie. It was a knock off doll and she has no idea what it was, what company. But they didn't make a lot of black dolls and she can still remember standing in K-Mart and being so excited that she ran to get her mother. The doll had long hair that was straight and later she'd find out that the hair was just rooted in a circle which meant if the doll's hair was brushed anyway besides back off her face, she had a huge bald spot.

She had that doll forever. And, she revealed, she still has the head. The dog would get the legs every now and then and she'd have to buy another doll and take the legs off it and put them on her doll, which she named Peggy, but something happened to the body finally. She's not sure what. Her mother was moving and called her to get anything she wanted out of the house. She found a box of her toys and the doll's head was there. So she still has Peggy's head and keeps it in her jewelry box.

Dak Ho started naming things like Hot Wheels and we were all going, "Get real."

If you've had the nightmare of riding with Dak Ho behind the wheel you ain't gonna buy that. Turns out his favorite toy was Slime. I don't know if anyone will even remember that. They have Gak now, I think. But Slime came in a little plastic trash can and it was green and oozed.
I never got how anyone could be into that, honestly. But I never got the Slinky craze either.

I mean, sure it looked cool on TV. You'd be at the top of the stairs and the Slinky would go down the stairs step by step all by itself. It was a great commercial. But my brother had one and, let me tell you, not like the commerical. Not at all. It would usually go down the first step just like on TV. Then it would lean towards the wall and either get hung up there or just stop or it would tumble to the floor missing all the steps of the stairs.

Sumner had a 6 Million Dollar Man "action figure." He was very insistent that it was not a doll.
I thinkt he reason they make the Batman costumes on the dolls today is so that the boys, of all ages, can say, "It's not a doll! The clothes don't come off!"

So Sumner told us about how the right arm had roll back skin with bionic components under it. And there was a little hole in the back of the head that you looked through which was supposed to be his bionic eye. He came with a red jogging suit. Sumner says he does not have the head of his "action figure" nor does he have a jewelry box.

Which brings us to Maggie. All Maggie wanted to be growing up was Buffy. Not the Vampire Slayer. Buffy on Family Affair. And what did Buffy have? A Mrs. Beasley doll. So Maggie wanted one more than anything. Then Christmas rolled around. She got a Mrs. Beasley.

A little plastic one. Yeah, it was Mrs. Beasley, but not the stuffed one that Buffy had on the TV show. So Maggie's birthday rolls around and lo and behold, the right Mrs. Beasely.

Up until that, her favorite toy had been a little pink painted, metal cash register. Now she had her Mrs. Beasley. And you pulled a string and she would talk.

Eventually, as she got older, she quit playing with her. She just kept her in a little rocking chair in her bedroom. Here's where it gets gross.

When she was 14, Mrs. Beasley wasn't in her rocking chair. Where could she be?

She thought of her 12 year-old brother and barged into his room to find him lying on the floor, with his pants down, Mrs. Beasley beneath him.

"Ew! He was humping Mrs. Beasley!" yelled Toni.

A little worse than that.

He'd put their mother's wig on Mrs. Beasley. He'd cut a hole in her to make her "correct" and he was "in" the hole.

He'd taken out the box that made her speak. Which, if you think about it, seems incredibly hostile.

What did she do?

That's what we all wanted to know.

Maggie wanted to run to her mother and rat her little brother out. But he was humiliated and she felt like as the older sister, she should try to be understanding that, like a puppy, he was in a humping stage.

So she just told her brother to put their mother's wig back in the top drawer in their parents' room and she threw Mrs. Beasley away.

I warned you it would gross you out.

Two things to recommend. C.I.'s "NYT: 'Senate Approves Limiting Rights of U.S. Detainees' (Eric Schmitt)" and Cedric's "It's not just the young people" and everyone's back so I'm posting this. Remember to check out The Third Estate Sunday Review Sunday. Only thought I was done. Dak Ho says to note Mike's "Husaybah, Qaim and Chalabi" and Maggie says to note Rebecca's "hanging out with a friend" and Toni says to note Elaine's "Peace Never Comes To Those Who Refuse To Open Their Eyes" and Sumner says to just get done so we can start having fun.















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